But Judge, I Didn't Know

In last week’s edge-of-your-seat blogpost, “Sweets, Lies & Classic Desserts”, we mentioned “blue laws” that, at one time plagued certain U.S. states by, among other things, prohibiting the sale of ice cream sodas on Sunday’s. We thought the ridiculousness of that might warrant another look. Which is what we’re doing in this week’s post. Taking a deeper dive into some of the strange, outdated, or just plain ludicrous laws – blue or otherwise – that are still on the books in various states across the United States.

It is almost universally accepted that laws are essential to provide structure, order, security, and safety for society. America prides itself on being a nation of laws, and most legislation on the books is based on precedent, logic, and common sense. However, some measures are head-scratchers and beg the question as to how they became laws in the first place, why they haven’t been repealed, and humanity’s collective sanity.

“Blue laws”, also known as “Sunday laws”, are laws that restrict or ban some or all activities on Sundays to promote the observance of a day of rest. The leading theory for the origin of the term “blue Laws” came from the fact that the word “blue” was 18th-century slang for someone who was prudish.

Blue Laws came to America with the first colonists, and they restricted almost every activity on Sunday. They outlawed everything from hunting to selling any type of goods, to displays of affection. Some colonies prohibited dancing and even laughing too loud. They also made attending church mandatory. Because nothing says “holy devotion” quite like the government forcing you to pray.

While blue laws became less restrictive in the 20th century, there are still 30 states that have some blue laws on the books. Most have to do with the sale of alcohol in one form or another. But oddly, there are 11 states that ban the sale of vehicles on Sundays. Apparently, they equate car salesmen with dangerous bootleggers.

But hey, we’re not here to judge.

Of course, not all the blue laws were about alcohol. In Pennsylvania, for example, it was illegal to play professional sports on a Sunday into the 1930’s. And in Texas, it was illegal to sell housewares like pots and pans on a Sunday until 1985!

Religious ill-tolerance aside, we found there are plenty of preposterous, silly laws still on the books around the country. The origins of many of these laws are a mystery. Several of them involve animals. Many were obviously passed with the best of intentions to protect our non-human friends.

For instance, public-spirited citizens in Arizona saved a donkey from drowning after it fell asleep in an abandoned bathtub, and then passed a law prohibiting donkey’s from sleeping in bathtubs in the hopes of keeping that from ever happening again. But do we really need a law to stop us from tossing a live moose out of a plane? Because in Alaska it’s illegal to do so. (It doesn’t, however, say you can’t push a dead one out.)

So, in an effort to promote good-citizenry and, hopefully by way of this blog post, to keep our readers from winding up on the wrong side of the law, we offer you, in no particular order, some of the craziest laws we’ve come across and where to avoid breaking them. Because, although most would probably never be enforced, they are still legally valid because no one has bothered to repeal them.

In Missouri you are not permitted to drive down the highway with an uncaged bear in your car. Which begs the question, why would you want to drive down the highway with a caged bear in your car??

In North Dakota it’s against the law to serve pretzels and beer at the same time.

In Hartford, Connecticut it’s against the law to educate your dog.

If you're a woman living in Michigan, you might want to check with your husband before heading to the hair stylist. According to state law, your hair belongs to your spouse, and you'll need his permission before you can alter it.

Sometimes these laws seem to have been made up by legislatures with a bizarre sense of humor. The wording of a law in Texas reads, “When two railroad trains meet at a crossing, each shall stop and neither shall proceed until the other has passed.” You can’t make this stuff up!

And we’re guessing it was the same Texas representative who wrote an anticrime law that requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours’ notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.

In Pennsylvania, it’s illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. We’re guessing it’s just good sense to not sleep on top of the refrigerator if it’s indoors either.

In Rhode Island, any marriage in which one of the parties is and idiot or a lunatic is considered null and void. Guess that means there’s no need for divorce lawyers in the state. It’s also illegal to keep a flock of chickens in your motorhome - but only if you live in a trailer park.

Magicians are apparently unwelcome in Hawaii because it’s illegal to hide a coin behind your ear in the aloha state. Actually, this one has a bit of historical reference. After the United States annexed Hawaii at the end of the 19th century, the native population was ordered to destroy Hawaiian coins, so people took to hiding them behind their ears to get around the ban.

In Ohio is against the law to get fish drunk. We assume this goes for any day of the week, not just on Sundays.

In Connecticut, a pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces. You can be fined if you’re found to be selling pickles that don’t bounce from a foot off the ground.

Parking meters are no laughing matter in Florida because there’s a law there that says if you tie an elephant, goat or alligator to a parking meter, you must pay for it as if it were a vehicle.

(How do you parallel park an elephant?)

We’re guessing Indiana is a pretty clean-shaven state. Because they allow “no habitual kissing of others if you have a mustache.”

In Raleigh, North Carolina, before a man asks for a woman's hand in marriage, he must be "inspected by all the barnyard animals on the young woman's family's property, to ensure a harmonious farm life."

In Arcadia, California you can be fined if you cut off a peacock in traffic. Why? Because peacocks have the right of way on any street or intersection there.

If you’re planning on going fishing in Tennessee, be careful because there’s a law against catching fish with a lasso. Now, we’ve heard about shooting fish in a barrel, but the idea of someone being able to throw a lariat around one is just mind-bending.

In Massachusetts you’re going to find yourself in court if you eat more than three sandwiches at a wake. While we doubt that law enforcement is checking up on such events, it’s probably best to eat beforehand.

Fish seem to be a big focus of lawmakers. In New Jersey it’s against the law for men to knit during fishing season. Apparently, woman can knit whenever they damn well please. And in Pennsylvania you may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. (We can only hope they’re referring to the fish and not the fisherman…)

If your visiting Oklahoma, better mind your own business. It’s against the law to eavesdrop there. The law states “every person guilty of secretly loitering about any building, with intent to overhear discourse therein, and to repeat or publish the same to vex, annoy, or injure others, is guilty of a misdemeanor.”

Horse lovers best take note, because in South Carolina it’s illegal to keep a horse in the bathtub.

In Baltimore, Maryland it is not permitted to take a lion to the movies. (No seriously, it is). However, there’s no mention of the rest of the state.

Flamingoes are not allowed in barber shops in Alaska. Now….really?

In New York City you can be fined if you’re caught wearing slippers after 10pm.

In California, women are not allowed to drive legally if they’re wearing a housecoat. There is no law that we could find, however, against men driving in robes or polyester jumpsuits.

And speaking of driving, please be aware that it’s illegal to drive a car while blindfolded in Alabama or while asleep in Tennessee.

Better be careful of the wildlife if you’re traveling to Alaska because this is our third animal-related Alaska law. It’s illegal to drive with a dog tethered to your car there. We can only say, thank goodness!

You’d better be sure you know where the coffee shop is and who’s buying if you’re in Virginia because it’s illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for a coffee. And it’s also illegal to leave home without knowing where you are going. Apparently, spontaneity is not a virtue in Virginia.

In Oregon, it’s against the law to juggle without a license, whistle underwater or box with a kangaroo. Oh, and you also can’t get married in a skating rink.

Now, granted many states around the US have some pretty weird laws on their books. But we found a couple from other countries that stand out as well.

In Milan, Italy it’s a legal requirement to smile at all times. It’s prescribed by a city regulation from the Austro-Hungarian era that was never repealed. Exemptions include funeral goers, hospital workers or those at the bedside of an ill family member. For everybody else there is no excuse for being glum because the alternative is a fine.

Dog owners in Turin, Italy will be fined up to $500 if they don’t walk their pets at least three times a day, under a law from the city’s council. To enforce the law, Turin police would need to rely largely on the help of tipsters spotting cruel treatment by neighbors.

If you find yourself in Scotland and need to use the loo, you’re in luck. You can knock on anyone’s door and ask to use their bathroom, and, by law, they cannot deny you. If you have success at this, please let us know. Also, please be aware that, if you’ve been sipping too much Scottish whiskey, keep your feet on the ground because you can get a ticket if you are riding a cow while drunk. (In actuality, the only reason we can think of for riding a cow is if you’re drunk).

You will get more than the silent treatment if you forget your wife’s birthday in

Samoa, because it’s against the law. It’s unclear how long your sentence would be (the first offence may only constitute a warning), but maybe some time apart for you to think about how to make it up to her wouldn’t be too bad.

In Sarpourenx, France an edict was issued forbidding people from dying within the city limits unless they had previously purchased a burial plot in a local parish cemetery. People who broke this by dying without a plot would be “severely punished.” Exactly what kind of punishment you give the dead is somewhat unclear.

Leave your Winnie the Pooh shirts at home if you’re traveling to Poland. Because the cuddly little bear does not wear pants, Poland issued a ban on Winnie the Pooh around playgrounds and schools, finding the character a bit too risqué for impressionable children.

On your next trip to London, please leave your armor at home, because it’s illegal to wear a suit of armor in the British Parliament. There’s a law dating back to 1313 that prohibits it.

Sorry ladies (and some of you gents) but it’s illegal to wear lacy undies in Russia. A 2014 law in Russia, Belarus and Kazakhstan states undergarments must be made with a minimum of six percent cotton. This takes the concept of “search and seizure” to an entirely different level.

And finally, because we’re not sure how to top this, in China, it’s illegal for Tibetan Buddhist monks to reincarnate after they die without permission from the government. Again, we’re really not sure how they go about enforcing this, but China is known for having some strict laws.

So, there you have it. We find ourselves in a world where bizarre laws and antiquated notions still hold sway. One can easily conclude that some of these silly laws were simply designed to get a laugh or to alleviate the boredom of local legislators. But as for the rest, they obviously reflected the public standards of the time.

If you want to study how public values have changed over the years, there is no better place to start than with your state and local statutes. Not only will you glean some insight into our past prejudices, but also our best intentions. After all, who but a well-intentioned public official would make it a crime to molest butterflies in California?

And if you ever find yourself face-to-face with a mind-boggling law, or a donkey in a bathtub, take a moment to appreciate the comedy in the chaos.

We’d love to hear what crazy crimes and misdemeanors you may have been cited for in our Way Out There forum. Or in the comments below.

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