Teeth – Where Every Molar Has a Tale to Tell

We recently attended the grand opening of a good friend’s dental clinic. And this got us to thinking about, well, teeth. Not just the pearly whites themselves but the peculiar, often downright bizarre stories and superstitions that have sprouted up around them over the centuries. Because, behind every smile is a story, often one of strange rituals and even stranger beliefs. For instance, in medieval Europe, it was believed that burning a child’s baby teeth would protect them from witches. Why? Because, of course, nothing says "safety" like a small bonfire of molars in the backyard. Our ancestors, it seems, were both incredibly superstitious and oddly creative when it came to dental hygiene.

Teeth have long been more than just tools for chewing; they've been tokens of good fortune, markers of social status, and even objects of supernatural intrigue. The Vikings would pay children for their teeth - not because they were toothless enthusiasts starting an ancient collection, but because they believed these tiny incisors could bring luck in battle.

Fast forward to the 20th century, and we have the modern Tooth Fairy swooping in to snatch up baby teeth from under pillows, all for the going rate of a dollar or two. A capitalist twist on ancient customs.

And let’s not forget the social implications of teeth - or the lack thereof. Historically, a mouth full of healthy teeth was a sign of youth, vigor, and attractiveness. Today, it’s an indicator that you’ve probably spent way too much on orthodontics. Meanwhile, losing teeth could signify everything from a passage into adulthood to a ticket to the hereafter, depending on your cultural background. It’s fascinating to think that these small, calcified bits of us have such a massive impact on how we see ourselves and others. So, cement in your dentures, because we’re about to embark on a journey through the gnashing, grinding, strange and wondrous world of teeth - where every molar has a tale to tell.

Early Humans Didn’t Brush: While the earliest humans emerged between five to seven million years ago, the earliest records of dental cleaning implements dates back to only around 3000 BCE. It turns out that early humans used small sticks to help clean their teeth.

Researchers pointed out the discovery of tiny side holes in ancient fossil teeth. These holes, called interproximal grooves, are likely caused by repeated cleanings with sticks. Our cousins, the chimpanzees, still use sticks and leaves of grass to help clean their teeth and the spaces between.

Despite the primitive dental tools, early humans didn’t show signs of having bad teeth. On the contrary, they seemed to possess stronger, healthier teeth with no sign of cavities. It’s believed the major reason was diet, as they only ate unprocessed food, fibrous foods with little to no sugar - their food helped clean their teeth while they ate. Bacteria that caused plaque and tooth decay only started thriving on teeth when sugary, processed food started to appear as well.

Pre-historic Chewing Gum: In a remarkable blend of archaeology and modern genetics, researchers recently extracted a complete human genome from a 5,700-year-old piece of "chewing gum" found on the Danish island of Lolland. This gum wasn't your typical stick of Juicy Fruit; it was a small lump of birch pitch, a tar-like resin made by heating birch bark, commonly used in prehistoric times for tool-making and dental hygiene. Remarkably, this ancient wad of gum had retained enough genetic material for scientists to reconstruct the entire genome of the woman who chewed it. Dubbed "Lola" by researchers, she had dark skin, dark hair, and blue eyes, suggesting a population quite different from the fair-skinned farmers who were believed to have dominated Northern Europe at the time.

But Lola didn’t just leave us her DNA - she left us a whole prehistoric buffet in her spit. The gum held remnants of hazelnuts and mallard duck, apparently staples of the Stone Age snacking scene. This small lump of gum is a time capsule of Lola’s life, revealing what she ate, what she looked like, and even hinting at the common cold she might have complained about had she known what a cold was. We’re getting a closer look at our ancestors by bridging a gap of millennia with nothing more than a bit of prehistoric chewing gum.

Doctor of the Tooth: Turns out, ancient Egyptians weren’t just about pyramids and mummies. They were trendsetters when it came to dentistry. The Edwin Smith Papyrus, a 17th-century B.C. text that’s basically the world's oldest dental handbook, lists treatments for all sorts of tooth troubles.

A century later, the Ebers Papyrus upped the ante with a whole slew of dental remedies, including early attempts at fillings using whatever was handy - linen soaked in fig juice or cedar oil. Finally, we have Hesi-Re, the original "Doctor of the Tooth," who might have been the first to diagnose gum disease. His pioneering spirit led to mummies sporting primitive dental bridges, though we’re still not sure if this was to ensure they looked good in the afterlife or just to keep them smiling through the sands of time. Either way, the Egyptians were clearly ahead of their time in the art of keeping teeth in their heads, whether in this life or the next.

Cosmetic Dentistry in the New World:

The Maya civilization in Mesoamerica wasn’t just about pyramids and calendars - they were also early adopters of what we'd now call cosmetic dentistry. Forget about brushing and flossing; the Maya took dental artistry to another level, turning teeth into tiny canvases for spiritual expression. Their dentists were highly skilled, not so much in cavity fillings or root canals, but in filing teeth into a variety of shapes. They notched them, squared them off, or filed them down and decorated them with minerals.

Not simply a matter of style, this was also done for ritual and religious purposes. Mayans fashioned jade inlays by boring holes into teeth with copper tubes and then fitting them with stones. They likely used herbs to mask the pain during the process, while tree sap was used as ancient glue to adhere the jewel to the tooth. And this wasn’t some exclusive treatment reserved only for the elite. Everyone from the king to the commoner could walk around with a set of teeth that looked like they’d lost a fight with a stone grinder.

Black Teeth: From Tudor England to 19th century Japan, people have blackened their teeth, for beautiful but different reasons.   

The blackened teeth of 15th century Tudor England and 19th century Japan present a study in cultural contrast, proving once again that fashion is in the eye - or, in this case, the mouth - of the beholder. In 15th-century England, teeth turned black not by choice but by the sheer force of sugary indulgence. Sugar was the Tudor equivalent of the crack cocaine: everyone wanted it, and it was ruining lives one sweet bite at a time. Nobles gnawed through candied fruits and sugar-dusted pastries with abandon, not realizing their smiles were heading toward the dental equivalent of a dark alley.

Meanwhile, across the globe and the ages, in 19th-century Japan, blackening teeth wasn’t an accident but a deliberate style choice known as ohaguro. Here, the trend wasn't fueled by sugar but by a sense of elegance and status. For Japanese women, black teeth were considered a hallmark of beauty. To achieve the perfect darkness, the Japanese prepared a drink called Kanemizu, which consisted of iron fillings soaked in tea or sake and mixed with vinegar. Practitioners would drink this concoction once a day, which then stained the teeth and caused them to blacken permanently.

While the Tudors stumbled into dental decay thanks to a lack of knowledge about toothbrushes (or moderation), the Japanese were a few centuries ahead in turning dental aesthetics into an art form. The Tudors could claim that their black teeth were just a sign of their wealth and access to the finest sweet treats, even if those treats left them wincing in pain. The Japanese, on the other hand, made a calculated decision to turn their teeth black, fully aware of what they were doing and with none of the grimace-inducing side effects of early English dentistry. Proving, we guess, that beauty - and dental hygiene - is, indeed, in the eye of the beholder.

The Tooth Worm: Much like an apple full of holes, medieval dentists were convinced that toothaches had less to do with sugar and more to do with a tiny, rogue worm setting up shop in your molars. They weren’t entirely off base - after all, fruit does rot from the inside out, so why wouldn’t our teeth? Back then, the medical authorities believed in a delicate dance of four bodily fluids: blood, phlegm, yellow bile, and black bile. If these humors got out of step, your body could start falling apart like an unattended loaf of bread. Particularly tricky were the cold and wet phlegmatic humors, which, if they overstayed their welcome, could cause all sorts of unpleasantness, including tooth decay.

The idea of tooth worms wasn't just a medieval quirk. This particular dental nightmare has deep roots, stretching back to ancient Babylon. According to a cuneiform tablet, there’s a tale called “The Legend of the Tooth Worm,” where a tiny worm that takes up residence inside a person's teeth.

According to the myth, this creature feasts on the roots of the teeth and drinks the blood within, much like a relentless, miniature vampire. Ancient Babylonians believed this parasitic pest was the reason for dental decay, leading them to concoct various remedies and rituals to expel the troublesome worm from their mouths.

The Tooth Fairy (and her ancestors): A child loses a tooth, tucks it carefully under their pillow, and wakes up the next morning to find a shiny coin or a crisp bill in its place. “The Tooth Fairy is real!” they exclaim to their parents, basking in the magic of a childhood ritual that's become a rite of passage for millions of kids around the world. The Tooth Fairy, that mysterious benefactor of baby teeth, is a figure most Americans, Brits, and Aussie’s know well. Yet, ask someone to describe the Tooth Fairy - what does it look like? where does it live? and why on earth does it want all those teeth? - and you’ll likely get a shrug and a smile. The truth is, for a figure so deeply embedded in childhood lore, the Tooth Fairy remains an enigma.

But the Tooth Fairy is far more complex than the whimsical, coin-dispensing dental sprite we think we know. The Tooth Fairy as we know it today - a benevolent creature who swaps lost teeth for money - emerged in the early 20th century in the United States, a nation eager for a new myth to match its consumer culture. Yet, dig a little deeper into history, and you'll find a surprising array of predecessors who did the job in ways that ranged from charming to downright frightening.

Tooth loss rituals are found in many cultures around the world, especially for a child's first tooth loss. The most common ritual, which is practiced in Russia, New Zealand, and much of Latin America, is to offer the tooth to a mouse or a rat in hopes that the child develops teeth as strong and healthy as a rodent. Other animals such as cats, squirrels, and dogs have also received veneration, but the rat seems to be the animal most synonymous with strong teeth.

French children are familiar with a rat named “La Petite Souris”, but the most famous Tooth Fairy with fur is Ratoncito Perez, AKA el Ratón.

This iconic champion of dental care was created in the 19th century by Friar Luis Coloma, who had to write a story for the future king of Spain, Alfonso XIII, after he had lost a baby tooth. The story Coloma came up with featured a mouse who lived in a box of biscuits with his family. He secretly visited the future king’s bedroom, as well as poor children's homes. There is now a museum in Madrid dedicated to el Ratón, consisting of two exhibits where children and their families can learn about el Ratón’s history and look at famous baby teeth left by prominent figures such as Beethoven and Beatrix Potter.

For those who envision the Tooth Fairy as an adorable humanoid with wings that looks something like Tinker Bell, take heed: certain European monsters will leave children with nightmares of losing their teeth. For example, Finland has a darker legend about an invisible monster named “Hammaspeikko” , or “Tooth Troll”, that makes holes in children’s teeth.

According to the legend, the Hammaspeikko lurks in the shadows, waiting for a chance to feast on sugar and sweets that cling to teeth. If a child neglects to brush properly, the troll makes its move, causing cavities and other dental mischief. So, while the Tooth Fairy might leave a coin under the pillow, the Hammaspeikko leaves behind a stark lesson: if you don't care for your teeth, a troll might just come and claim them in its own way.

American parents put a lot of time, effort, and, of course, money into convincing children the Tooth Fairy is real. In 1998, Delta Dental, the largest dental insurer in the US, began conducting an annual nationwide poll - the Original Tooth Fairy Poll - to determine how much money children received from the tooth fairy.

The first year of the poll recorded the average per-tooth compensation at $1.30. In 2019, the poll collected data from a nationally representative sample of 1,058 respondents. The results indicated that the tooth fairy was receiving an average of $3.70 per tooth in the US, declining for the second year in a row after peaking above $4.50 in 2017.

Although the price of a tooth has risen faster than inflation since 1998, the average under-the-pillow payout is a fairly reliable indicator of the S&P 500, the index most financial experts use to track the health of the US economy and stock market. NPR’s “Planet Money” theorizes that the increase in tooth price over inflation is because when funds are more available, spending tends to increase disproportionately in the areas that people value most, such as creating treasured memories for one’s children.

Rinse & Spit

Teeth have always been more than just tools for chewing; they're a symbol of who we are - or at least who we want to be. They speak of youth and beauty, of status and health, and yes, even wealth - those perfectly aligned smiles don’t come cheap, after all. And so, we brush, we floss, we bleach, we grind, all in the hopes that our teeth will tell the right story about us. But maybe, just maybe, it’s worth remembering that our obsession with teeth is as much a part of our human nature as the teeth themselves.

From medieval superstitions to modern-day obsessions with the perfect smile, our relationship with these little calcium-coated wonders is a tangled web of fear, vanity, and folklore. Think about it: in medieval Europe, burning a child’s teeth was supposed to ward off witches. Today, we’re shelling out small fortunes to the Tooth Fairy, hoping she’ll keep up with inflation. But what does this all mean in a world where the price of a tooth is tied to the whims of the stock market?

It suggests that our fascination with teeth is less about dental hygiene and more about the stories we tell ourselves. We’ve come a long way from sticks and stones (literally, in some cases), yet our rituals around teeth remain curiously primal. Whether it's the Tooth Fairy's cash exchange, the Mayan’s jade inlays, or the Tudor’s sugar blackened molars, we're all just playing the same game with different rules. It’s a game of status, of fear, and yes, a bit of magic.

So, the next time you’re obsessing over a whitening strip or hiding a gap with a closed-mouth smile, remember that you're part of a long, strange history of toothy tales. These little bones tell us more than we might want to know about ourselves - our fears, our values, and our deep-seated need to believe in something, whether it’s a mouse collecting teeth or a monster waiting to feast on them. And as much as we might try to control the narrative with our high-tech toothbrushes and pricey dental plans, teeth, in all their gnashing glory, have a way of keeping us humble. So, rinse, spit, and smile - because, like it or not, your teeth will always have a story to tell.

Do you have a favorite story about a visit to the dentist? Or a visit by the Tooth Fairy? Tell us about it in the comments below.

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