The Sometimes Misguided World of Corporate SOP’s

In the corporate world, company culture is often a reflection of broader societal norms, yet it can also serve as a microcosm of human creativity, eccentricity, and, occasionally, downright weirdness. From mandatory nap times to dress codes that include superhero costumes, businesses around the globe have embraced unique practices to foster productivity, engagement, and, ostensibly, happiness. These Standard Operating Procedures (SOP’S) were established as company norms that not only define the working environment but also shape employees' daily experiences in ways that are as varied as they are unpredictable.

Take, for instance, the esteemed tradition at a Japanese tech firm where every meeting kicks off with a synchronized group dance routine. Nothing says "let's synergize our core competencies" like a well-choreographed rendition of the Macarena. One might wonder if their performance reviews include both sales metrics and dance grades.

Meanwhile, across the Atlantic, a European startup has taken transparency to new heights by encouraging its staff to share not just their work progress but also their deepest, darkest secrets in weekly confession sessions. The office, once a hub of whispered coffee machine gossip, now resembles a reality TV show where every plot twist is live-tweeted by HR. Employees might be competing for "Most Improved Honesty" rather than "Employee of the Month," but hey, at least they know who ate the last piece of cake in the break room.

Today, at the request of one of our loyal readers, we’re going to look at the sometimes misguided world of corporate SOP’s.  SOP’s that were put in place, we’re sure, with the best of intentions. But then, we do know where that paved road of best intentions often leads to…

First off, one that succeeded, despite what you might have thought. The Japanese company Happinet Corporation is a prominent Tokyo-based entertainment and toy company known for its unique workplace culture.

They instituted a policy that every meeting must begin with a synchronized dance routine. They believed that this would promote team spirit, boost morale, and provide physical and mental health benefits. In Japan, group exercises such as "radio taiso" (a form of calisthenics) are a long-standing tradition in schools and workplaces. Happinet’s morning dance routine can be seen as a modern twist on this cultural practice, blending traditional values with contemporary fun.

It’s actually been a big success and has become an enduring and celebrated tradition within the company.

Mindvalley, Estonia: This education technology company based in Tallinn, focuses on personal growth and transformational learning, offering a wide range of online courses, workshops, and seminars on diverse topics such as mindfulness, productivity, health, and entrepreneurship, all designed to inspire and empower people to lead more fulfilling lives.

In keeping with the spirit of the products they offer, Mindvalley instituted “Weekly Confessional Sessions” for its staff where employees are encouraged to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences openly. To, in their words, “express their true selves without fear of judgment thereby promoting a culture of openness and transparency”. They feel this practice helps people to become more empathetic and understanding, thereby improving teamwork and communications within the company. Contrary to what we may have anticipated, this practice has worked well for Mindvalley and continues to be an integral part of their company culture.

·      Amazon's "Two Pizza Rule": Meetings should be small enough that two pizzas can feed the entire group. This is to keep meetings efficient and productive.

Zappos, USA: Founded in 1999, this online shoe and clothing retailer, based in Las Vegas, Nevada has instituted some interesting and unique policies. Some have worked well, some not so much.

One success story is their “Pay to Quit” policy, which is designed to ensure its employees are genuinely committed to their roles and the company’s core values. New hires undergo a comprehensive training program lasting several weeks. At the end of the training period, Zappos makes a bold offer to its new employees: they can receive a substantial sum of money (generally between $2,000 and $4,000 USD) to quit their job on the spot.

If they choose to stay, they forgo the cash but, Zappos feels they’ve then demonstrated a stronger commitment to the company and its values and are genuinely interested in being part of Zappos, not just looking for a paycheck. While paying employees to quit might seem costly upfront, it’s saved the company money in the long run by reducing turnover and ensuring that the workforce is composed of dedicated individuals.  

·      Spotify's "Flexible Public Holidays": Employees can swap traditional public holidays for other days that are more relevant to their culture or personal beliefs.

Saatchi & Saatchi, New Zealand:

The renowned advertising agency is known for its creativity and bold ideas. Their New Zealand office decided to amp up the end-of-week energy with "Music Fridays," a policy where employees were encouraged to bring instruments, play music, and even take turns DJ’ing for the office. The inspiration for “Music Fridays” came from the belief that music can be a great stress reliever. Some frustrated musician in the HR department likely thought, “Live music can spark creativity, bring employees together, and make Fridays something everyone can look forward to.” While the concept sounded harmonious in theory, it quickly hit a few discordant notes in practice. Diverse Musical Tastes: The first major hurdle was the wide range of musical tastes among the employees which turned into a cacophony of clashing genres. Imagine a jazz saxophonist trying to keep up with a death metal guitarist, while a classical violinist valiantly played through it all. The resulting noise likely sounded less like a concert and more like a sonic battlefield. Volume Control Issues: Office acoustics and live music do not always mix well. The sound of drums, electric guitars, and enthusiastic singers quickly drowned out phone calls and any semblance of productive work. Clients on conference calls were often treated to unexpected background renditions of Bohemian Rhapsody, leading to some very puzzled conversations. Talent Gaps: Not everyone was a musical prodigy.

Nuff said about that. Productivity Plummet: Fridays turned into mini festivals, with more time spent setting up and jamming than actually working. Projects slowed down as employees were more interested in practicing their solos than meeting deadlines. We’d bet that "Let's take it from the top" was heard more often than "Let's finalize that report." In the end, Saatchi & Saatchi's "Music Fridays" was tuned out in favor of quieter, more conventional ways to celebrate the end of the week, like catered lunches and themed dress days.

·      Heineken, Netherlands: At their Amsterdam headquarters, Heineken employees can enjoy a complimentary cold beer during their lunch break.

Hime & Company, Japan: Lovelorn staff at this Tokyo-based marketing company can take "Heartache Leave" - paid time off after a bad break-up.

Hime & Company feels that “Heartache Leave” allows staff to cry themselves out and return to work refreshed. "Not everyone needs to take maternity leave but with heartbreak, everyone needs time off, just like when you get sick," CEO Miki Hiradate, whose company markets cosmetics and other goods targeted for women, said.

Staff aged 24 years or younger can take one day off per year, while those between 25 and 29 can take two days off and those older can take three days off, the company said. "Women in their 20s can find their next love quickly, but it's tougher for women in their 30s, and their break-ups tend to be more serious," Hiradate said. Hime & Company staff can also take two mornings off twice a year as "Sales Shopping Leave", so they can race to stores to hunt for bargains.

·      Dropbox, USA's "Whiskey Fridays": Dropbox allows employees to wind down the week with a shot of whiskey.

Chatroulette: The random video chat website that connects users around the globe, decided to take its spontaneous social interactions a step further with an "All Day Video Chat" policy for its employees, the majority of whom worked remotely from their homes.

The idea was that staff would spend their entire workday on video chat, mimicking the platform's core feature, to foster a sense of unity, openness, and continual collaboration. Someone brainiac in HR probably thought, “If video chat is what we’re selling, then video chat is how we should be working!” The hope was that by constantly being on camera, employees would feel more connected and engaged, much like the users of their platform. This overzealous belief in the power of video communication quickly unraveled into a series of hilarious missteps. Privacy Panic: The constant video surveillance led to an unexpected level of paranoia among employees. People started dressing up just to sit at their desks, and impromptu costume changes became a regular feature. Some employees, forgetting their daily video chat for a normal home office day, would stand up in their boxer shorts during meetings, causing eruptions of laughter and swift reaches for the “camera off” button.

Technical Troubles: The company’s servers, used to handling random chats between strangers, weren’t quite ready for the constant, high-definition streaming from every employee. The bandwidth strain led to frequent crashes and frozen screens. Focus Fumbles: Constant video chats made it nearly impossible to concentrate. Every facial expression, yawn, and sigh was magnified on screen, leading to endless distractions. It wasn’t long before everyone knew whose cat was the most disruptive, whose spouse walked around in the background, and who had the loudest lawnmower. Productivity plummeted as employees found themselves more engaged in observing each other’s quirks than in their actual work.

What started as an innovative idea quickly became an exhausting ordeal. In the end, Chatroulette’s "All Day Video Chat" policy was quietly phased out, replaced by more reasonable communication methods like scheduled video meetings and good old-fashioned emails. The attempt to live and breathe their platform ultimately proved that even in a company built on video chat, sometimes you just need a break from the screen.

·      Salesforce, USA’s "Wellness Reimbursement": The cloud-based software giant practices a policy where employees are given $100 per month to spend on wellness activities such as yoga classes or massages.

Nike, USA: Even giants can stub their toe from time to time. The global sportswear giant, known for its slogan “Just Do It”, once attempted to bring a competitive edge into their employee evaluations with a “Competitive Grading System” policy (also referred to by employees who experienced it as “The Hunger Games”).

The idea was to rank employees against each other, like athletes in a tournament, based on their performance.  Inspired by their own ethos of striving for greatness, some Nike HR genius probably thought: "Why not apply this same logic to our employees? After all, what's more motivational than a little friendly rivalry?” The system quickly turned into a corporate version of "Survivor”. Employees were no longer collaborating but instead were sabotaging each other’s efforts in subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) ways.

Office Olympics Gone Wrong: The grading system turned the office into a perpetual Olympic Games. Employees were constantly trying to outdo each other, not just in their work but in everything. Trust levels plummeted, water cooler conversations turned into espionage missions, and team meetings felt more like tactical briefings for battle. Creative Chaos: In their quest to outshine one another, employees began to adopt increasingly outlandish strategies. Marketing campaigns were pitched with more flair than a Cirque du Soleil performance, and the finance team turned budget reports into epic sagas with plot twists. While the creativity was impressive, the actual utility of these efforts was, well, questionable. It’s hard to take a quarterly earnings report seriously when it’s delivered as a rap battle. Paranoia and Sabotage: The competitive atmosphere bred a level of paranoia usually reserved for spy thrillers. Employees started hoarding office supplies, guarding their ideas like state secrets, and even spreading misinformation to throw off their rivals. Performance Reviews: Performance review meetings became dreaded “Grading Gauntlets”, where managers would dramatically reveal rankings with the suspense of a reality show host. Burnout Bonanza: The relentless pressure to perform led to widespread burnout. Employees were putting in extra hours, not out of passion, but out of fear of falling in the rankings. The office started to resemble a zombie movie set, with over-caffeinated, sleep-deprived workers shuffling through the halls, mumbling about KPIs and synergy.

Productivity plummeted as the workforce collectively hit the wall. In the end, Nike’s "Competitive Grading System" was benched in favor of more sustainable and cooperative evaluation methods. Nike realized that while competition can drive performance, it’s cooperation and teamwork that truly lead to innovation and success.

·      Patagonia's "Let My People Go Surfing": The outdoor recreation clothing company encourages employees to take breaks and go surfing or engage in other outdoor activities during the workday, believing it enhances productivity and creativity.

Paddy Power, Ireland: This Irish gambling company, known for its playful and sometimes outrageous marketing stunts, once decided to bring a bit of swashbuckling fun to the office with “Speak Like a Pirate Day.”

This policy mandated that all employees, from the CEO to the interns, conduct business in full pirate lingo every month. Some HR buccaneer apparently thought this would be a great way to inject some humor into the workday and boost morale. However, it quickly turned into more of a sinking ship. Customer Confusion: Clients calling in for support were bewildered by customer service reps saying things like, “Ye be havin’ trouble with yer account, aye? Let me fetch the quartermaster!”

Lost in Translation: Important meetings with partners and stakeholders became absurdly confusing. Trying to negotiate a multi-million-dollar deal while insisting on using terms like “doubloons” and “pieces of eight” or referring to profit margins a “booty” did not exactly inspire confidence. Office Communication Breakdowns: Internal emails and memos written in pirate speak led to serious misunderstandings. A simple request for “more toner” became an epic quest for “more ink for the ship’s parrot.”

HR Nightmares: HR was flooded with complaints about pirate jargon that was misinterpreted or taken too far. Referring to someone as a “scurvy dog” didn’t sit well with everyone. The term “walking the plank” also didn’t do much for job security concerns. In the end, the office went back to more conventional ways of boosting morale, like casual Fridays and office snacks. However, Paddy Power’s “Speak Like a Pirate Day” left behind a treasure chest of hilarious stories and a newfound appreciation for just plain English.  

·      Evernote's "Paid for Vacation": Evernote not only gives unlimited vacation but also pays employees $1,000 to take a week off, encouraging them to fully disconnect and relax.

Hubspot, USA: This developer and marketer of software products for inbound marketing, sales and customer service instituted an unusual stress-relief policy. “One-Minute of Screaming” required that all employees stop work every day for a full minute of cathartic screaming.

Someone in HR (who obviously was having a slew of bad days) evidently thought that by vocalizing their frustrations, employees could blow off steam and return to their tasks with renewed focus and energy. While the concept might have sounded great (??) in theory, in practice it was far more disruptive than therapeutic. Noise Complaints: Hubspot prided itself on their open office layout, however, this turned into an acoustic nightmare during the screaming minute. Neighboring businesses and even people on the street started lodging noise complaints. Client Calls: The timing of the scream session often caught employees in the middle of important client calls. “Yes, we can absolutely meet that deadline – AHHHHHHHHH!” Clients were confused, and some even thought they were being pranked. The professional image of the company took a bit of a hit when important discussions were punctuated by blood-curdling yells.

Scaring New Hires: New employees who weren’t fully briefed on the policy would be caught off guard by the sudden eruption of noise. Imagine being on your first day, trying to make a good impression, and suddenly everyone around you starts screaming. It’s safe to say some onboarding experiences were more traumatic than intended.

Stress Amplification: Rather than reducing stress, the daily scream often heightened it. The anticipation of the screaming minute made some employees anxious, and the sudden loud noise spiked adrenaline levels, making it harder for them to settle back into work afterward. In the end, HubSpot's "One-Minute of Screaming" was phased out, replaced by more traditional stress-relief methods like mindfulness sessions and quiet rooms. As the old saying goes, sometimes silence really is golden.

·      Volkswagen's "Email Curfew": Volkswagen has a policy that stops email servers from sending emails to employees' mobile devices after work hours to ensure a better work-life balance and reduce stress.

Square, USA: This financial technology conglomerate, now known as Block, Inc., was founded by Jack Dorsey in 2009. In a bid to infuse some quirky fun into their office culture, they once instituted a “Bring Your Pet Goat to Work Day.”

The inspiration behind this unusual policy was twofold. First, Square's leadership wanted to create a unique and memorable experience that would set them apart as a cool and innovative place to work. Second, there was a growing trend of pet-friendly workplaces, and some farmer in the HR department apparently thought, "If dogs and cats can come to work, why not goats?" While the thought of goats wandering around the office seemed hilarious and, we guess, charming in theory, in practice, it quickly descended into chaos. Office Mayhem: Goats, as it turns out, are not known for their office etiquette. Within minutes, they were climbing on desks, chewing on important documents, and headbutting computer monitors.

Dietary Disasters: Goats will eat just about anything, which became painfully clear when several laptops, charging cables, and a few potted plants were found half-chewed. Noise Levels: The office ambiance, which was usually a hum of quiet conversation and keyboard clicks, turned into a cacophony of bleats and laughter. Conference calls became a farce with goats interrupting important discussions. “Sorry, what was that? Could you repeat the last – Baaaaah. Sorry, just ignore the goat.” Sanitary Issues: Unlike dogs and cats, goats generally aren’t house-trained. The smell of fresh hay and the need for constant cleanup quickly dampened the initial enthusiasm. Health Concerns: Some employees were allergic to goats, which nobody had considered in the initial planning. The sight of coworkers sneezing uncontrollably while goats frolicked around led to the rapid realization that not everyone found the idea of goats in the workplace delightful.

"Bring Your Pet Goat to Work Day" was quickly recognized as a nightmare and the policy was abandoned after just one attempt. We have to wonder, if a staff member happened to not own a goat, did they get a demerit to their personnel file?

·      G Adventures "Adopt a Traveler": This Canadian travel company has a  program where employees can use company funds to support a traveler's journey in meaningful ways, like providing supplies or educational opportunities. It's corporate social responsibility with a personal touch.

Groupon, USA: Groupon, a US-based global e-commerce marketplace connecting subscribers with local merchants in 13 countries once tried to shake things up with a “Wear Your Pajamas to Work Week.”

The idea behind this ‘casual Friday’s on steroids’ was to create a relaxed, fun atmosphere where employees could be comfortable and focus on their work without the constraints of formal attire. Someone in HR probably thought, “If people can be productive at home in their pajamas, why not bring that comfort to the office?” Well, here’s a couple of reasons why not to. Professional Image Issues: The first Monday of Pajama Week started off great - until an important client dropped by for an unexpected visit. Trying to pitch a new social media strategy while wearing unicorn-themed onesies and fuzzy slippers didn’t quite convey the professional image Groupon aimed for.

Productivity Plunge: It turns out, when people are dressed for bed, they tend to act like it. By midweek, the office resembled a giant slumber party more than a bustling tech company. Employees were found napping at their desks, wrapped in blankets, and sipping hot cocoa instead of coffee. Productivity took a nosedive as the line between work and relaxation blurred beyond recognition. Wardrobe Malfunctions: Pajamas, while comfortable, are not always the most practical workwear. There were several incidents of employees tripping over trailing pajama pants or getting sleeves caught in office equipment. Temperature Troubles: The office thermostat became a battleground.

Some employees wore lightweight PJs and shivered under the air conditioning, while others in heavy flannel suits sweated profusely. The resulting thermostat tug-of-war led to constant temperature fluctuations, making the office feel like a sauna one minute and an igloo the next. Casual Attire Confusion: Pajama Week led to some confusion about what exactly constituted appropriate office PJs. One person, who might have taken the concept a bit too literally, arrived in nothing but a bathrobe and slippers. HR had to step in with some last-minute “pajama policy guidelines” to maintain a semblance of decency. By the end of the week, it was clear that the cozy comfort of pajamas was best left at home. Groupon quickly retired the idea, ensuring clients would never again be greeted by a team in bedtime attire.

·      Netflix's "No Vacation Policy": Employees can take as much vacation time as they want as long as their work is completed. There's no formal tracking of days off.

Hootsuite, USA: The go-to social media management platform for businesses to schedule posts, track engagements, and analyze performance, once decided to add some extra flair to their daily routine with a “Daily Costume Parade.”

The idea was to spark creativity, boost morale, and bring a touch of whimsy to the workplace by having employees dress up in different costumes every day and parade around the office. Someone in the HR department, who may have owned shares in a costume company, probably thought, “If we can make social media management fun, why not make the office fun too?” Plus, the idea of seeing your boss dressed as a pirate or a superhero every day sounded like a fantastic way to break the ice and keep things lively. Those who dreamed it up didn’t anticipate what was to come. Creative Exhaustion: Finding a different costume for every single day turned out to be more exhausting than running a social media campaign for a year.

By Wednesday, employees had already recycled Halloween costumes from the past decade, and by Thursday, the creativity well had run dry, with some showing up in mismatched pajamas and claiming to be a "Sleep-Deprived Tech Worker." Costume Mishaps: Some costumes were not exactly work-friendly. Inflatable dinosaur costumes knocked over desks and coffee cups during the parade. Someone came as a ghost, but the sheet caused multiple tripping incidents, leading to a temporary office ban on any costume that obscured vision or required constant air pump maintenance.

Client Calls Gone Wrong: Important client calls were interrupted by unexpected appearances. Imagine trying to discuss quarterly projections while a coworker dressed as a clown does cartwheels in the background. Clients started questioning the professionalism of the company when they could hear the parades through the phone, “Is that...a marching band?” Workplace Confusion: New hires had a hard time understanding the office dynamic. Onboarding sessions included trying to explain why the head of HR was dressed as a giant taco. In the end, Hootsuite’s “Daily Costume Parade” was cancelled, and the office returned to its regular dress code in favor of more sensible dress-up days.

·      Foursquare’s "Hack Week": This geolocation technology company has a policy where normal work stops for one week and employees can work on passion projects or innovative ideas. Sorta like a summer camp for tech geeks, where the main goal is to create something cool.

As we wrap up this look at the occasionally misguided world of corporate SOPs and bizarre corporate policies, it’s worth remembering that even the most peculiar ideas usually come from a place of good intentions. Maybe it's a desperate bid to boost morale, a quirky attempt to foster team spirit, or just plain old HR boredom. Whatever the reason, these initiatives often tell a story about the company’s culture and the lengths they'll go to make (or break) their workplace environment.

While some of these policies might seem like they were plucked from the fevered dreams of a particularly imaginative (or stoned) HR manager, they all share a common thread of trying to inject a bit of humanity and humor into the workplace. Whether it’s dance routines in Japan or goats roaming free in Silicon Valley, these initiatives show a willingness to think outside the box - even if it means stepping on a few rakes along the way. After all, the path to innovation is rarely a straight line, and sometimes it meanders through a maze of absurdity.

Speaking of HR, let's take a moment to appreciate the sheer audacity of these folks. The same people who brought us anti-fraternization policies and sexual harassment seminars also thought it was a brilliant idea to mandate costume parades and daily scream sessions. It's like they took the worst of reality TV and mashed it with the corporate handbook. The next time you find yourself grumbling about your office's casual Fridays or your company’s quirky team-building exercises, remember that somewhere out there, an HR team is probably drafting the next bizarre policy destined to become a hilarious footnote in corporate history.

Oh well, in the end, whether it's dressing up like superheroes, or being encouraged to share your deepest, darkest secrets with your coworkers, these policies remind us that the corporate world is often as absurd as it is serious. It’s a wild mix of innovation and insanity, with an occasional dash of unintended hilarity. Whether these policies soared or crashed and burned, they all served one crucial purpose: reminding us that even in the buttoned-up world of business, there's always room for a bit of madness. So, embrace the madness, laugh at the missteps, and cherish the stories that make the nine-to-five grind a little more colorful. For, in the grand theater of corporate life, long after the last costume has been put away and the final scream has echoed through the office, it's these offbeat moments that provide us the best stories to tell over a beer

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