Truth or Dare to Tell the Truth?

We live in a time when truth is not only stranger than fiction, but often hard to come by. From news outlets that are more interested in the greenbacks than the facts, to AI generated pictures of the Pope wearing a puffy jacket

it’s getting harder and harder to know what to believe.

With today’s difficulty in telling the difference between truth and fiction causing frustration and downright anger, we’re not going there. Today we thought we’d take a deep dive into the world of historical myths. History is filled with misconceptions and flat-out lies that have been perpetuated, sometimes for centuries.

The idea of historical myths being untrue can be hard to swallow, especially if you have grown up believing in them. But, as they say, the truth hurts, and sometimes the truth is also hilarious. So, brace yourselves and hang onto your history books as we take a look at 10 of the most notable historical myths we’ve come across that weren’t really true.

Christopher Columbus Discovered America

Yep, despite all the hype and the holiday in his honor, Columbus didn’t actually “discover” America. First of all, there were already indigenous people living on the continent for a few thousand years. And secondly, Leif Erikson, a Viking explorer, actually landed in Newfoundland centuries before Columbus made his journey. Moreover, Columbus never actually set foot on mainland America, as he landed in the Bahamas instead. But Columbus continues to get all the credit. Maybe it’s because he’s Italian, and Italians have a history of getting screwed over in the credit department (looking at you, Marco Polo).

Vikings Wore Horned Helmets

Speaking of Vikings (see above), those fierce warriors from the north, with their longboats, their pillaging, and their…..ridiculous headwear? We guess nothing says “I’m here to conquer your village” like a pair of pointy accessories sticking out of your head. Except there’s no evidence that Vikings ever wore horned helmets. Archaeological digs show that most Viking warriors went bareheaded or wore leather headgear. The association between Vikings and horned helmets seems to have originated in the 19th century artwork of Swedish artist, Gustav Malmstromstems.

Paul Revere Yelling “The British Are Coming”

The truth of this one’s a bit complicated. First of all, Paul Revere needed to keep his knowledge of the Brits’ arrival on the down-low as British troops had already been camped out across the Massachusetts countryside. Plus, the colonists still considered themselves British. If anything, Paul probably told people on a need-to-know basis about the “regulars” – the colonist’s term for British soldiers. He was actually captured by the British before he even reached his final destination.

George Washington’s Wooden Teeth

Apparently Washington did have terribly bad teeth, and he did wear multiple sets of dentures throughout his life made of ivory, gold and lead. But not wood, according to the organization that runs Washington’s former home, Mount Vernon. Washington did, however, love his Port. And the burgundy-colored liquor may have stained his teeth, making them appear brown and grainy, like wood.

King Tut’s Tomb Had Curses On It

A pharaoh’s tomb is always cursed and will bring a terrible wrath on anyone who dares open it. It’s a trope peddled by films and books alike. In reality, King Tut’s tomb didn’t have any curses written in hieroglyphs on the walls. However, there was a curse of sorts associated with the tomb. It was the curse of the pursuit of money. Newspapers at the time were in a constant battle for more sales (some things never change) and Howard Carter, the lead archaeologist, told the press there was a curse to help generate buzz about the discovery.

Cleopatra’s Bee Powered Sex Toy

She is remembered as one of history’s most beautiful and sensual queens – thanks in no small part to her affairs with two of ancient Rome’s most powerful men. But there is nothing to suggest that stories of her having an ancient vibrator (essentially a gourd stuffed with buzzing bees) are true.

Lady Godiva’s Naked Ride

The legend says that Lady Godiva, who was married to one of the wealthiest men in 11th century England, was willing to ride naked through the streets of Coventry to persuade her husband to lower taxes. The naked truth of the matter however is that it never happened. She may have appeared in the middle of Coventry “naked” – but naked as 11th century Anglo-Saxon’s would have understood it, meaning without jewels or finery.

Nero Fiddled While Rome Burned

In the summer of 64 CE, the city of Rome erupted in fire. And Nero, the reigning emperor, instead of taking decisive action, took out his fiddle and played while watching the city burn. Or so the story goes. However, this didn’t exactly happen. We know this because the fiddle - a medieval instrument, not an ancient one - wasn’t even invented yet. According to two ancient authors, Nero did wear the costume of a lute player and, while watching the fire in horror, recited poetry about the burning of Troy. Not exactly a stellar response anyway.

Witches Were Burned at the Stake

Despite all the books and movies, witches weren’t actually burned at the stake, at least not in America. In 1692 in the town of Salem, Massachusetts, two young women started behaving a bit…odd. Screaming, throwing things, speaking in tongues, and contorting themselves into positions that we would now probably pay $100 a month to experience at a yoga class. People were scared and the authorities did what they normally do when encountering things they don’t like – they arrested more than 200 people. Of those, about 25 were put to death for “witchcraft” – none being burned at the stake.

Mussolini Made the Trains Run on Time

As Italy’s dictator and the guy who’s become the defining face of fascism, Benito Mussolini did do a lot of really bad things. But, according to legend, he had one redeeming quality – he got the Italian trains to run on time. However, this was a complete fabrication because, while he did invest in modernizing Italy’s train infrastructure, he never made the trains run on time. Mussolini’s robust propaganda machine created this myth and buried the fact that Italian trains were no more efficient than before.

There’s a famous saying that says, “History is just one damn thing after another.” And sometimes, those damn things can be wildly inaccurate. We need be always cautious when it comes to accepting “facts”, historical or otherwise, without proper scrutiny.

So, the next time someone tries to tell you that George Washington had wooden teeth or Columbus discovered America, you can confidently tell them that these are just historical myths. And if they still don’t believe you, just show them this blog post! And remind them that history is written by the victors, not by the fact-checkers.

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