Valentine’s Day, unsurprisingly, gave us the idea of writing a bit about love in this week’s post. However, we purposely waited a couple days instead of posting this on the 14th. Because we hate the idea of Hallmark telling us when we should be extra attentive to the one’s we love. In our view, we should be buying overpriced roses, heart shaped chocolates, and sappy greeting cards for those we love on any, say, Thursday, not just on one particular day a year.
We’ll begin with few words on the subject of love from Tina Turner.....
You must understand how the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it’s only the thrill of boy meetin’ girl
Opposites attract
It’s physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore that it means more than that
Not meaning to take anything away from Hallmark, but Valentine’s day has actually been around for a really long time. Some say it originated as a Christian feast day honoring a priest named Valentine who was martyred in Rome in the year 269 for marrying couples in secret. (The emperor Claudius II had banned marriages in an attempt to bolster his army, as he believed unmarried men made better soldiers) He supposedly sent the first Valentine’s greeting himself, sending a letter to his jailer’s daughter signed “from your Valentine”.
Although the truth behind the Valentine legend is murky, the story emphasizes his appeal as a sympathetic and romantic figure, and he became known as a patron saint of love and romance. This led to the creation of Valentine’s Day, which was first celebrated in the 14th century. Because what’s not to love about love?
Oh oh
What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
What’s love but a second hand emotion?
What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?
But let’s be real, the modern-day version of Valentine’s Day has little to do with the romantic gestures of a third-century priest. Instead, it’s become a commercialized holiday that’s all about spending money on expensive gifts and proving your love through materialistic means. (Sound familiar Santa??)
Some claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February as a way of “Christianizing” the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture.
Lupercalia was a bloody, violent, and sexually charged celebration awash with animal sacrifice, random matchmaking and coupling in the hopes of warding off evil spirits and infertility. Men would randomly choose a woman’s name from a jar to be coupled with for the duration of the festival. Often, the couple stayed together until the following year’s festival.
But we’re talking about love here. We checked in with a couple of old friends to get their view on the subject:
“Where there is love there is life.”
Mahatma Ganhdi
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Dr. Seuss
“You can’t blame gravity for falling in love.”
Albert Einstein
“All you need is love.” The Beatles
“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
Carl Sagan
“Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.” Romeo
In the book and television series, The Power of Myth, Bill Moyers and Joseph Campbell discuss the mythology of love in an episode entitled “Love and the Goddess”.
Bill Moyers: So there’s joy and pain in love.
Joseph Campbell: Yeah, there is. Love, you might say, is the burning point of life, and since all life is sorrowful, so is love. And the stronger the love, the more that pain, but love bears all things. Love itself is a pain, you might say, but it’s the pain of being truly alive.
It may seem to you that I’m acting confused
When you’re close to me
If I tend to look dazed I’ve read it someplace
I’ve got cause to be
There’s a name for it
There’s a phrase that fits
But whatever the reason you do it for me
There’s that old saying that “love is blind”. Well, according to neuroscientists, there might actually be a neurobiological basis in truth for that. Besides positive reinforcement such as reward and motivation, love deactivates the neural pathway involved in fear and social judgement. In other words, our critical assessment of a person shuts down.
The prefrontal cortex is essential for decision making, reasoning, and planning. Love throws this tightly organized structure overboard. This brain area, along with some parts of the cortex, is idle when we are in love. Critical judgement of others becomes inactive. Therefore, it’s fair to say that love really is irrational and blind, at least from a neurobiological point of view.
I’ve been takin’ on a new direction
But I have to say
I’ve been thinkin’ about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way
We’re very grateful to Tina Turner for her insight and wisdom and accompanying us through this very brief look at love.
And at the end of the day, the realization that Valentine’s Day is just a reminder that love is complicated, messy and often requires more effort than we’re willing to give. But hey, at least we can all take comfort in the fact that we’re not alone in our misery. So, here’s to love. Happy Thursday everyone!
Tina Turner: What’s Love Got To Do With It
Always appreciate your thoughtful comments. "Going south" might make an interesting topic for a future blog post! 😀
I hold the forced Hallmark holiday sentiment as well and, as a psychotherapist, can attest to the expectation pressure that harms so many relationships on this occasion. Great description of the neurobiology! "Loved" this,.💘
Well, a heady topic for the week! It seems that our forever young Tina Turner had it right (although she of all people know about how love can hurt and how you need to protect ourselves, albeit hers was more literal). It is odd that we relish the feeling that accompanies love and then we gird ourselves trying to prevent the pain of love if it all goes south. (That is another topic, but why do always use “going south” for bad things vs “going north not west or east?”). But I digress, Valentine’s Day is a multiple billion dollar business. (Do you know that you can go to a wholesaler and by a dozen beautiful roses for ab…